How can I be good enough to someone? How can they like me for who I am? Oh please tell me why, I don’t know what else to do but be the best I can and know that it is still not enough.
They hate me, so why did they even pretend that they liked me from the start? Why did I let my hopes up? I was happy with them but that feeling soon faded away.
I don’t know what to do or where to start but I’m trying to be strong. There’s no one else I can run to but to face this problem on my own and say a little prayer for myself.
I’m getting mad to everyone especially to myself. How could I let this happen to me? Why did I started this when I know everything is still not settled yet? Am I rushing on things? Or too afraid to let someone go?
God, please help me on this. You are the strength I need. Only you know what I truly feel. There are things that I think it’s not okay again and I want you to help me fix it. You’re the one I know that can change this. I’m holding unto you, oh Lord.
Sooner or later, I won’t be able to hide this for long. Some people who know me will eventually seek the story behind this. But when that time comes, I hope I can clearly tell them what did bothered and hurt me this way.
The pain I’m feeling will soon subside. The thoughts I have will be replace with happy thoughts. I know that “soon” will happen any time by now or tomorrow, so I have to wait patiently.
I have to constantly remind myself that this happens for a reason. Yes, I don’t know the reason yet but after some time I know this night will make me become a mature person.
Though my heart is broken, I can still put a smile on my face and let everyone know that I’m fine. I never want anyone to see me hurt. I want myself to be remember as a strong and independent woman. Someone who can stand and fight for herself.
Someday I can live my life the way I want to. Someday I won’t have to worry about what others will think about me. Someday every pain will be worth it. And someday I will find the right person who will understand and never will look down on me because of my flaws.
As I end this, pray for me that it will soon be okay. Pray that I can still hold on til’ the end. I’m afraid that I will think of giving up on this problem. THIS IS NOT ME but I think I might turn to someone whom I am not.
Prayers for you and for everyone. I hope that whatever problems you face, know that you have God that listens and always stays on you, every second of every day.
I love you.
(This was written last January 6, 2014, 1:55:06 AM)
1) You Have to Drag Yourself Out of Bed
Every morning, you wake up and force yourself out of your warm bed and into the cold darkness of the morning. You drag your feet to kitchen, eyes half open, hoping that your cup of coffee gives you the energy you need to make it through the day.
You have no natural excitement about life that’s pushing you to wake up before your alarm goes off. There’s no burning desire that allows you wake up excited instead of miserable. You’re heart’s just not in it.
Find something that gets you excited again. Not just a little excited either. But something that gets you so excited that you have a hard time going to sleep at night. Whether that’s a new career, a new hobby, a new project, it doesn’t really matter.
But when you’re following your heart, there’s an excitement in life that can’t be duplicated in any other way.
2) You’re Always Thinking About What You Really Want
You’re at work, and you check the clock only to realize you still have three hours left until you go home. You tell yourself that you’ll wait at least an hour before you check the clock again. You wait, what feels like an hour, only to see a whopping fifteen minutes have passed.
So you spend the remaining two hours and forty-five minutes dreaming about what you would rather be doing, and it’s a surprisingly long list of things. But there’s always that one thing that comes to your mind. That one thing you wish you could get paid to do. That one thing you wish you could do more.
Do more of that thing you really want to do. It’s really that simple. Now I’m not advocating that you drop all of your responsibilities to go do what feels good. But I’m saying that everyone deserves to do things they enjoy.
You need to systematically find a way to stop doing the things you hate, and start doing more of what you love.
I asked myself if I could ever go back to where I was before. Living my dreams, getting good grades, known by everyone and also knows the real meaning of happiness. Looking back, I wish I can be the same old me but I know it won’t happen anymore. If people and seasons change, who am I not to change? I envy how lucky I was on all my achievements. But why, just why did it change so sudden? The change that I did not see it coming.
I’m afraid of change. What if I can’t handle that change? What if I can’t adopt the change that is happening? What if I would be stuck to the old me? How will I cope up with my life?
No matter what the things I should be changing, I remain to be the-old-micah as ever. Right now I try to boast my achievements (as if it’s my first time to have a reward), I try to go out with people just to be friends with them, I took challenges to prove that I can also do it when I can’t. Unfortunately, I realize that’s not me. I pretend to be someone who I am not.
Did I let society change me? Or should I really blame everything to myself? Besides, these things won’t happen if it wasn’t my fault.
I don’t know how to get back on track again. What I know is that, change is happening around me and I must go along. My journey is not as easy as what everyone may think. Pictures on instagram, posts on twitter and facebook, I’m a two-sided person. Yes, that’s me but behind those words and my smiles, is someone who’s struggling with life.
The battle within myself is one of the toughest. I’m the problem and also the answer. The thing is, I can’t find my disease, therefore my cure is nowhere to be found, yet. The only thing that keeps me going, is to tell myself to be strong. In the world I’m living, it’s me against myself
I believe, everything will be better in the right time.
Were you disappointed when you got to know me?
How can you ask that?
I'm such a mess.
I love your mess.
Hi guys, gusto ko lang magpost ng blog kasi nahihirapan na ako sa mga deadline ngaun. Hanggang ngaun hindi pa tapos yung news letter na kailangan para sa major namin at yung magazine na deadline tomorrow. Ang dami ko nang ine-edit pero keri ko pa naman.
Sobrang salamat sa mga nagcomment sa nangyari sa akin today. Yung mga nakakita ng picture ko sa dyaryo, Manila Bulletin, wow thank you! Nakakatuwa lang kasi may mga sobrang proud sa akin na mga taong hindi ko inakala na magko-comment pero salamat pa din kasi nakkatulong sila e-boost young confidence ko and nagging motivation ko rin yun. Hmm, next time na ako magkwento kung paano nangyari lahat ng yun.
So, ngaun edit na lang. Bigla lang akong nahirapan pero sana matanggap na nila yung gawa ko. Gusto ko na mag-aral. Gusto ko na maglinis. Ayoko na mag-edit. Hai.
Ingat kayo lagi ah. PUSH lang guys para sa mga pangarap niyo!